Trauma during pregnancy and/or during labor can come in many forms.
During pregnancy it can be that you are sick constantly, you may have high blood pressure that causes painful swelling in your limbs and once the sickness goes away you may develop aches/pains from later stages of pregnancy. Having a hard pregnancy can cause a sense of disconnect from the entire situation. Especially if those around you had easy pregnancies and keep asking how you are or if you are excited. Not only are these questions exhausting to an already exhausted mind, but they also may make you feel like you are doing something wrong. Like there is something wrong with you. Which can lead you to worry about after your baby is born. Give yourself grace. When the questions come, be honest. "I'm excited for the birth but I'm struggling with the pregnancy." If someone offers help, take it. Do not feel bad. Everyone needs help at some point in their lives. Pregnancy is the biggest time of your life (other than postpartum) that you need help and support. Now, I know it easier said than done. But after taking the help that is offered, go into your room, play some quiet relaxing music and relax. Don't feel the need to entertain, that's not why the help is there. They are there so you can rest.
Birth trauma is the worst feeling in the world. You may have planned this wonderful birth experience, maybe it's an unmedicated birth at the hospital, or a calming water birth or a comfortable home birth with your spouse, support people and midwife. But for whatever reason you are in the hospital now hooked up to an IV, being monitored by several doctors and the word "c-section" is being thrown around. Not only are you having to come to terms with your birth plan being blown to pieces, but you also have the worry about your unborn child, their health, the risks and your own health. Not to mention your partner is carrying their own worry while trying to comfort you. In the worst cases the end of the labor may end in a still birth for reasons you will never know. Birth trauma doesn't end when your labor ends, it is something you will carry with you throughout your life. Like most trauma it may ebb and flow, but it will be there. There aren't words to help with birth trauma, having someone to listen, someone you can vent to and process with is vital. That person may be your partner, best friend or your doula. Your doctor or midwife may express the need to seek professional assistance. The biggest piece of advice I can give both as a doula and as a mother who lost an infant, is to not bottle up your feelings. Don't let your feelings fester and eat at you. Let them out, whether you scream them out or write them out.
People try to help, the use the phrase "At least your baby is healthy." or "At least you are healthy." They mean well, they truly do. But those phrases sting and burn like salt in a wound. Yes, your baby may be healthy, yes you may be healthy. But the idea and plan you made has vanished, in its place there is a blur of pain, a feeling of being out of control and an overwhelming sense of guilt. Guilt because your body "failed" when it didn't. You may feel a disconnect to that period of time. Looking back, it may look out of focus or blurry. That's ok, it's normal. It's a part of the process you will need to go through the heal. You may feel a disconnect with the baby. That's hard, you have been so excited for this little person and now...while you love this little person...their entrance was something that was so difficult for you. The feeling won't entirely go away, it will fade as it gets farther away. But like any trauma there may be triggers that cause it to tumble back into your mind. First time baby is really sick may bring up bad memories, your next pregnancy may cause more anxiety than before. You have to remember your past birth trauma doesn't mean you will have a similar experience with your next labor. The biggest thing to focus on and realize You are strong, You will heal, You are a survivor.
Until Next Time,
Sara Engle
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